Mom Things - 1.20.10

During the course of wearing maternity clothes you've experienced any or all of the following:  a button clinging for dear life across your bust, shirts too short to cover the bottom of your gigantic belly (to which you say, "Oh well"), and/or a gigantic bleach stain on the ONE shirt/pair of pants that fits you at the end of the pregnancy (to which you also say, "Oh well").

You fondly remember those days pre-kids when you could go braless.  No longer.  'sigh'  No longer.

You've declined the chance to do something fun because it interfered with your child's nap schedule.

You learned to never leave your mascara out in the bathroom.  (Admittedly though, you were surprised at how skillfully your 3-year old applied it.)

The answer is most likely, simply, "because I'm the mom".

As an infant, your son was afraid of parsley.  As a toddler, your daughter was terrified of garbage trucks.  These irrational fears make for good leverage when you need to get them to behave.  As in, "Stop tearing the covers off my paperbacks or I'll get the parsley/call the garbage truck!"

Whenever the caller ID reads the school's number, your heart instantly jumps into your throat and your blood pressure rises into the unhealthy range.  It only calms down when you realize it's just a recorded message from the principal reminding you of fundraiser night at a local restaurant.  Then you're just a little bit annoyed.

You love hearing your children sing, especially when they take liberties with the lyrics.  For instance (from Snow White):  "I'm wishing (I'm wishing) for the one I love to find me (to find me) TUESday!"

You realize that "I need help" can often be interpreted as "I just *want* you to help me because I love you, and you're the best mommy in the world, and I like when you give me undivided attention even if it's just while I put my socks on or do this puzzle that I've already completed by myself 100 times before."

You completely understand that any significant amount of time spent with grandparents whether at home or away will require intense de-grandparenting.  It's even less fun for you than it is for your child.