the stuff that moms are made of

Despite the sweet intentions of your three year old, you've had to reprimand her for sharing food with your infant.  The likelihood of her sharing increases as the choking hazard of the food increases.  Among the things you've dug out of your infant's mouth thanks to your generous three year old:  popcorn, raisins, hot dogs, and chewy sweettarts.

You have at least one child who would subsist entirely on chocolate milk if given the opportunity.

Your usually very intelligent and articulate six year old son thinks it is hilarious to make animal sounds, screeching noises, and small shrieks at the end of every spoken sentence or as a reaction to directions from you.  You've found out that neither ignoring them or acknowledging them makes them go away.  And mocking them only makes it worse.  Find the solution to *that* in some parenting book for me, pretty please.

You don't own a fancy cell phone, just a functional one, because you know that it will inevitably become your infant's favorite chew toy.  And don't dare try to give a baby an old cell phone to play with.  Even they know how lame a dead cell phone is.

You've experienced this exact situation more times than you can count:  Kids 1 & 2 are playing next to each other, but not together.  Kid 1 picks up one of Kid 2's toys and starts playing with it.  Kid 2 notices and tries to snatch it back.  Kid 1 tattles on Kid 2 for snatching.  Kid 2 whines because "It's MY toy!"  You tell Kid 2 they need to learn how to share, Kid 1 had it first.  Kid 2 replies with, "But I was just ABOUT to play with it!"  Eye rolling ensues.

You have discovered that making your kids run laps in the backyard has proven to be an excellent form of discipline.

You feel the need to explain each of the bruises on the forehead of your newly toddling baby to everyone you see, as if people don't know that barely-walking babies fall a lot.

Pink blankets, hair bows, and dresses are apparently not indicative of gender because you have answered the question "Is that a little girl or boy?" way too many times.  You've seen this bib and think it would be cute for your baby girl to wear, but you make a bet with yourself that you would still have to answer the question, even while she was wearing it.

Your son chooses the short ride to school as the time to ask the some of the world's deepest questions including topics such as kidnappers, bank robbers, the banking industry in general, heaven, and anatomy of invertebrates, at which time you feebly attempt to answer him completely and accurately in three minutes or less.

You regret buying the Disney princess underwear for your two year old girl because you had no idea how passionately she would feel about which princesses she will wear and when.


Aneesa Cappellano said...

Oh my goodness! You are so right! the cell phone thing.... me too! this is whyI don't have a fancy blackberry or anything, my last cell phone was ruined due to "water damage", or as I like to call it "baby slobber damage"! And we have like six old cell phones that just don't cut it for the entertainment factor! And the questions in the morning...both my Gabe and Michael do that, only on the way to school! why is that??? The other day it was "does Jesus eat?" "doesn't he get hungry in heaven" "how did Jesus get off the cross" and of coarse, I am hopelessly unprepared and try to give the best answer I can at 9 in the morning! And the laps in the backyard!! that is something I am going to try, its perfect! benefits both kids and me! Thanks so much for your blog, I love it!

Diane said...

why do they ask all the tough questions in the car? it's almost like they do it because they know you can't escape.

just a preview - the car questions get harder (and more embarrassing). I want a voice-activated computer in the car ("Computer, please relay the name of the person used as the model for the Statue of Liberty...")

for the record, history disagrees on whether it was Charlotte Bertholdi or Isabella Eugenie Boyer Singer. And yes, I had to look it up last week to answer Fiona's question!

Jennie said...

Thanks Aneesa! Seriously try the laps thing...especially in the summertime. It's brutal (and might I add, works like a charm...ha)! :)

Diane, I have NO doubts that the questions will only get harder!

Emily said...

I've just added your blog to my favorites...I have been belly laughing as quietly as I can since my 2 kids are napping right down the hall, while reading your posts!!! That last one about the princess panties...had me rolling! I've been there...like, today...you are hilarious!

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