Disclaimer 1: I know that 30 is not old.
Disclaimer 2: I'm probably crazy, so if this doesn't make sense, well...there you have it.
All my life growing up, I felt older than I was. Precocious, maybe? I just always felt more mature and less silly than a lot of my peers.
I got a nice lesson on what it feels like to be young when I got married at 19 and became a mom at 20. (It didn't help that I didn't look a day over 15.)
So that's where the dichotomy comes into play. I feel both old and young at the same time. And while I'm no longer a 20-year old mom, I think I will always feel that way. I am especially reminded of this when I go to functions at Ben's school. Chances are, I will always be the youngest mom in his class. It doesn't necessarily bother me that it is this way. I think being young has its advantages. It is just so far opposite of how I'm used to feeling.
So here I am feeling like a paradoxically old, yet young mother.
I clicked on the little "events" calendar on Facebook and it took me to a list of all of my friends' upcoming birthdays. Most of the list had a helpful parenthetical after the name with the age they would be turning on that date (so I wouldn't have to do the math). That's when I realized...most of my friends are turning 30, or are dang near close to it (or well beyond it).
So that threw another wrinkle in my feelings, and I suddenly realized I'm *not* a 20-year old mom anymore. I voiced this to Sam, along with the shock that befell me when I realized it is almost time for our 10 year high school reunions. I said to him, "I'm almost 30!"
Then he made fun of me because I'm 26.
And that was pretty much the end of that conversation.
I still feel old and young at the same time...though I feel a shift towards the older side prevailing in the short run. Especially the way I was sucking wind after my short run this afternoon.
1 comments:
I hear ya!! Our 10 year reunion is this summer. At times high school feels miles away but then when I think 10 years it just doesn't seem possible. And I am feeling uncomfortably close to 30 myself at 28. I remember being younger and thinking I will always be young until I'm 30. The funny thing is I don't feel THAT old! Guess that's all that matters:)
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