How do I know I'm a mom? I'm so glad you asked...

You can identify the flavor of unopened packs of poptarts by touch (and you're not exactly sure this is something of which you should be proud).

You've come home and for a fleeting moment thought, "Oh crap!  Someone ransacked the house!"  Then you realize that's just how it looks at any given moment, and as a result, you live in constant fear of someone "just stopping by".

You have opened your mailbox to get the mail only to find that it's been almost completely filled with mulch.

You "caught" your kindergartner practicing his end of year program in front of the mirror in the bathroom.  Just another example of a time you beamed with pride. 

When posed the question, "If you could win a lifetime supply of something, what would you want it to be?", you waffle between AA batteries and American cheese slices.

You have survived a hotel stay with three children, which may or may not have included one child sleeping in the bathroom.  (No worries, it was in a pack-n-play.)

You finally understand the phrase "a face only a mother could love":

(I'm pretty sure she does better than that without the spoon.)

You wonder what your kids' prevailing memories will be when they're adults, and you pray they don't include the times you were less than patient, raised your voice, or were just "too busy".  Some of your prevailing memories from childhood are hanging out in trees all summer, participating in the reading program at the library (and earning free Pizza Hut pizzas), getting cold in the dairy & frozen food aisles of the grocery store, and being rewarded with treats off the Dollar Menu at McDonalds.

You've had to explain to your six year old that just because most of the other children in the neighborhood are allowed to roam about without rules or guardianship does not mean he is entitled to do the same.  And you've had to explain that while it feels unfair, it's for his safety.  (And someday, years down the line, you know he'll understand.)

You realize that your three year old has far more friends than you when, on a routine trip to Target, she greets three other children by name.