Mama Lama Ding Dong

Your two year old has tasted sunscreen, deodorant, and dishwasher detergent - and lived to tell about it.  Either she has an iron stomach, she is an excellent actress and didn't actually eat any of those things, or the list of "Most Toxic Household Items" you committed to memory in that Public Health class in college was completely bogus.

Despite your irrational fear of dentists, you almost looked forward to going to get your cavities filled because it gave you an hour of "me" time.

You have learned that even if you are within 18 inches of your four year old as she applies toothpaste to her toothbrush, it is still entirely possible for her to get it all over your white bathroom rug.

Consequently, you have determined that it was, indeed, a mistake to go with white for the bathroom rugs.

You took your kids to Carrabba's for a weeknight dinner out (and to use that free appetizer coupon), and you went with patterned, dark-colored attire knowing full well that they'd come out drenched in herbed olive oil.  By the way, they won't need moisturizer for months.

You've gotten the two year old version of a wet willy.  This is where they skip the step of licking their finger, and instead lay on your ear and drool straight into it.  It's even less pleasant than the traditional kind.

You impose your frugality on your seven year old and send him inside Dunkin' Donuts to redeem a free donut coupon so you can also redeem one yourself through the drive-thru.  He loved the assignment, couldn't even wait to get out of the store to start eating the thing, and asked if he could do it again another day.  Success!

You are intimately familiar with the scent from Pizza Goldfish that lasts all day long.  You're convinced even the neighbors can smell your toddler from next door after she eats them.

You've learned that when the 4-year-old takes charge of putting the life-vest on her baby sister, it might not be exactly right.

There is no joy quite like witnessing the sweet bond between giggling sisters.