How to Know You're a Mom - #74

You've hidden from your children.  Not in a fun, hide-and-seek kind of way, but in a genuine I-hope-they-don't-find-me kind of way.  Maybe you heard one of them snatch a toy from another one.  Then you overheard the resulting "I'm telling Mommy", at which point you tuck yourself behind the nearest recliner and hope it blows over.  Of course, this backfires because kids don't give up.  Now you have to listen to them cry "Mommy!  Mommy!  Mommy!"  at increasingly louder intervals for as long as you remain hidden.

Your two older kids disappear during a rain storm and instead of panicking, you note that the umbrellas are missing and you look out the front door to see them happily lallygagging around the cul de sac as if putting on some sort of suburban street performance of Singin' in the Rain.  (Then your toddler jumps out in the rain to play with a water gun...how apt.)

You realize there is hope for your free-spirited four year old when, every day at "school time", she sits down and happily colors and engages you in relevant number and letter discussions.  The bonus is that she's setting such a great example for her wild baby sister.

After passing out an after-school snack and watching the kids devour it in 3 seconds flat, you casually say, "Man, I have some hungry kids."  This prompts your four year old to ask, "Mommy, why do you have kids?"  You tell her its because you love kids.  She further presses, "But why do you have a lot of kids?"  I guess Abby has decided that three kids is plenty.

You remember playing with paper dolls and Barbies.  Your four year old likes both of them okay, but she prefers to play dress up with her very own, live baby sister.

Just like when you could distinguish between your newborns' hungry, tired, and wet/poopy cries, you have a similar scream-diagnosis process for your toddler.  Only, the categories are a little different now -

• Someone larger than her snatched a toy out of her hand and her only defense is to scream.
• She attempted and failed at executing a dangerous stunt and now lies injured in an unknown location somewhere in the house.
• She is actually squealing with happiness, but it sounds like she's crying.  Girls...

It's not unusual at all for one of your children to walk into the room carrying a bag of half-eaten marshmallows that looks like it's been opened by a rat or a goat.  They must think that eating three bites of rice at dinner time means they have earned half a bag of marshmallows for dessert.

When you thought the kids were nestled snugly in their beds, you turned on some good, guilty-pleasure network television.  Lo and behold, your four year old walked through the room the one and only time a naked person walked across the screen, censored with a black block.  Of course, it captured her attention, but instead of asking the obvious (i.e. - Why is he naked?) she said, "Hahaha!  That man has a rectangle hiney!"  Phew.  Thanks for defusing that situation, kiddo.

You walk into a room to find your four year old dancing obnoxiously in her underwear.  You giggle, of course, and shake your hips along with her, at which point, she stops smiling and chastises you for daring to dance with your clothes on.  Maybe the censored butt made an impression on her after all...

You inquire of your four year old as to your toddler's whereabouts and she replies, "She's not being bad."  And in the end, isn't that what you wanted to know anyway?