I don't know what I am: Reprise

In a moment of weakness or insecurity or extreme-open-bookedness (yeah, I know, that's not a word), I posted the original "I don't know what I am" post.  Then, that evening, as I opened up my book to do my Bible study homework from Beth Moore's Beloved Disciple, wouldn't you know, my dear friend Beth asked us to do a little self-examination.  As a baseline for our present perceived identity, at the beginning of the study, she had us write in our workbook Who You've Discovered You Aren't and Who You've Discovered You Are.

Isn't it funny how God puts these things on our heart first, and then right in our face next?

Everyone on earth fills a variety of unique roles.  Me?  I'm a wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, grand-daughter. At various points in my life I've been single, a girlfriend, and a married woman, working full-time, working part-time, staying-at-home, a student.  I'm a picker.  I'm a grinner.  I'm a lover.  And I'm a sinner. 

Sometimes...I'm a joker. 

Some days, when my guard is down and I'm feeling especially insecure (and it doesn't help if I'm hormonal and pregnant on top of that), Satan gets a foothold and pushes me down.  On those days, thanks to my dear friend Beth's biblical wisdom, I have learned to remember John the Baptist.

He was a man who knew who he was.
I am not the Christ. John 1:20
And who he wasn't
I am the voice of one calling in the desert, "Make straight the way for the Lord".  John 1:23  (ref Isaiah 40:3)
He knew his position compared to Christ.
He is the one who comes after me, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie.  John 1:27
Yet, on that note, and I underlined this straight from my workbook - 
"He understood Christ's greatness and how unworthy he as in comparison, but he didn't see himself as having the value of an inchworm under a rock.  His life had value through its connection to Christ." ~Beth Moore
As life goes on, I think it will become abundantly clear to me that trivial things like whether I'm labeled "homemaker" or "engineer" will become less important to me when I put the immeasurable value I have due to my relationship with Jesus at the front and center.  

Self-esteem, schmelf-esteem.  I've got Jesus.  And He is security.  
How about you?


Melissa said...

Hey.... Was that a Derek Webb lyric? Enjoyed this!

Denise said...

This was indeed fabulous. I did this same bible study a number of years ago and last week decided to study it once again. I agree with the label. It is difficult to go from full-time "anything" to full-time mom. Somehow we feel maybe we fall short. I know I did. It was the BEST decision I ever made regarding my family. More importantly, I'm with you, I've got Jesus!!! He's the BEST thing in my life!!

Debbie said...

I came here earlier but left without comment. I like to chew on your words sometimes. Don't be scared, but you remind me of myself in so many ways.

I loved this, and this old chick needed the reminder.

And you are WAY too young to know that song. I'm blaming your parents for singing it around you.

Sharon said...

Jennie, I just started last week my women's Bible Study - we are also doing the Beth Moore study on the Beloved Disciple. I haven't done my homework yet, but from what you've shared here, it's going to be powerful!

It's funny how much I've changed how I look at myself, and how much I haven't, in the last 20 years or so (when I was your age). I've discovered so much more of what I'm NOT...and yet, God has shown me so much more of what I AM...in HIM.

Jesus IS security - self-esteem - meaning and purpose - my ALL!


(At least you were never a midnight toker...)

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