Mom Things - Why am I still awake!?

And these, friends, are this week's Mom Things:

When something of value goes missing in your house, one of the first places you look is in the kitchen trash can (undoubtedly underneath coffee grounds).  Then in the toilet.  If it's not in either of those places, you are not at all above dumping the outside trash can onto the driveway and wading through the refuse.

It's for events like that above that you consider purchasing a HazMat suit.  It would also come in handy for use both in public restrooms and at well-child visits to the pediatrician where you inevitably end up contracting some sort of airborne illness.

While watching a guest performance from the touring ensemble of "In the Heights" on So You Think You Can Dance, one of the performers faces seems really familiar to you.

Then it hits you - he used to be on the cast of Hi-5!  Shaun was like family as he danced you through your oh-so-very hot maternity leave of 2009.  (Maybe this is a sign you watch too much children's programming.  Who cares!?  We love you, Shaun!)

You know that there are certain public places where your kids turn into Satan's spawn; the public library, Bojangles [Chicken & Biscuits], and Hobby Lobby (to name a few). You have no idea how to explain this, but it almost seems conditioned. Pavlov's dogs-ish, even. Now to figure out how to break the cycle...

While aimlessly wandering around Walmart with your two girls, you notice your three year old has been distracted by a mirror in the ladies department.  She is oh-so-narcissisticly watching herself dance, which elicits a smile from you, which elicits copycat behavior by the one year old in your arms who starts gyrating as best she can.  You can't remember the last time you had that much fun in Walmart.  (Wait.  You've never had that much fun in Walmart.)

When your six year old boy acts up, you threaten to take him shoe shopping if he doesn't get it together.  (That's a good one.  You can borrow it.  You're welcome.)

On a similar vein, you've explained to your six year old boy that the less weird and more cooperative he is in Kohls while you look for three shirts to replace your favorites that have become bleach-stained, torn, or faded, the faster you can leave.  Apparently a quick study, when you ask him for his opinion on several different items, the response is identical; an enthusiastic, "I love that one!  You should definitely buy it."

Your idea of a fun kid-less weekend (note: not the same as kid free, kid-less = fewer kids) is purging the kids' bedrooms and giving the house a deep clean with wholehearted intentions of enjoying it for a few hours before they all come home.

You realize how quickly time flies (and how fast technology changes) when you look at your six year olds' baby pictures and realize that a good portion of them were taken on a 35mm camera. 

You've slathered every inch of your children in sunscreen for a t-ball game, day at the beach, Field Day, etc. but failed to consider that you'd be out in the sun as well.  (A lesson painfully learned by yours truly.)

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