How to Know You're a Mom - #74

You've hidden from your children.  Not in a fun, hide-and-seek kind of way, but in a genuine I-hope-they-don't-find-me kind of way.  Maybe you heard one of them snatch a toy from another one.  Then you overheard the resulting "I'm telling Mommy", at which point you tuck yourself behind the nearest recliner and hope it blows over.  Of course, this backfires because kids don't give up.  Now you have to listen to them cry "Mommy!  Mommy!  Mommy!"  at increasingly louder intervals for as long as you remain hidden.

Your two older kids disappear during a rain storm and instead of panicking, you note that the umbrellas are missing and you look out the front door to see them happily lallygagging around the cul de sac as if putting on some sort of suburban street performance of Singin' in the Rain.  (Then your toddler jumps out in the rain to play with a water gun...how apt.)

You realize there is hope for your free-spirited four year old when, every day at "school time", she sits down and happily colors and engages you in relevant number and letter discussions.  The bonus is that she's setting such a great example for her wild baby sister.

After passing out an after-school snack and watching the kids devour it in 3 seconds flat, you casually say, "Man, I have some hungry kids."  This prompts your four year old to ask, "Mommy, why do you have kids?"  You tell her its because you love kids.  She further presses, "But why do you have a lot of kids?"  I guess Abby has decided that three kids is plenty.

You remember playing with paper dolls and Barbies.  Your four year old likes both of them okay, but she prefers to play dress up with her very own, live baby sister.

Just like when you could distinguish between your newborns' hungry, tired, and wet/poopy cries, you have a similar scream-diagnosis process for your toddler.  Only, the categories are a little different now -

• Someone larger than her snatched a toy out of her hand and her only defense is to scream.
• She attempted and failed at executing a dangerous stunt and now lies injured in an unknown location somewhere in the house.
• She is actually squealing with happiness, but it sounds like she's crying.  Girls...

It's not unusual at all for one of your children to walk into the room carrying a bag of half-eaten marshmallows that looks like it's been opened by a rat or a goat.  They must think that eating three bites of rice at dinner time means they have earned half a bag of marshmallows for dessert.

When you thought the kids were nestled snugly in their beds, you turned on some good, guilty-pleasure network television.  Lo and behold, your four year old walked through the room the one and only time a naked person walked across the screen, censored with a black block.  Of course, it captured her attention, but instead of asking the obvious (i.e. - Why is he naked?) she said, "Hahaha!  That man has a rectangle hiney!"  Phew.  Thanks for defusing that situation, kiddo.

You walk into a room to find your four year old dancing obnoxiously in her underwear.  You giggle, of course, and shake your hips along with her, at which point, she stops smiling and chastises you for daring to dance with your clothes on.  Maybe the censored butt made an impression on her after all...

You inquire of your four year old as to your toddler's whereabouts and she replies, "She's not being bad."  And in the end, isn't that what you wanted to know anyway?

A Little Face Lift

Every once in a while Saturday morning rolls around with nary a plan in sight, and Sam and I look at each other and say, "What are we going to do this weekend?" 

Usually the answer is some sort of overzealous home improvement project.

This past weekend was no exception.

We tiled the last remaining room in our home with vinyl floors. 

The Laundry Room.

I'll be brief with words and heavy on pictures.  Because it's late and I really, really need not be up until 1am (again) tonight.

Honestly, the black and white checkered look isn't bad.  I would like it if it matched anything else in our house, and our "theme" weren't neutral browns - plain and simple (read: boring) like me and Sam.

 

I got really into demolition - something about tearing things apart is so fulfilling to me.

 

Tiles mortared.  That's the hard part.  No really.  Sam and I are still sore from squatting all day for two days.

 

Then the fun part - grouting and cleaning.  Hahaha - poor Sam with a sponge.

 

And....finished.  Woot, woot.  

 

I also took a picture of the empty dryer top and the lack of clothes hanging on the rack because it is likely that this will be the only time other than the day we moved in that my laundry room will look like this.

I should add here (because I'm proud of being cheap) that this project was funded solely with credit card rewards (you can scold me for using credit cards, if you want).  We also got a tremendous deal because we reused the tile left over from our major bathroom renovation and were able to supplement it with the same tile that just so happened to be 15% off at Lowe's last weekend.  (And they let us use our 10% off Lowe's coupon on top of it.  Woo hoo!)

When we finished, Abby said, "It is soooo beautiful in the laundry room."

Thanks, sweetie.  (Take a picture - it's not going to last.)

Since I was on a roll, I went ahead and gave the blog a face lift too.  I promise to fix the white lettering over on the sidebar, but let me know what else about it you just don't like.  I'll work on it! 

And I will be back very shortly with some Mom Things...  What in the world would you do without those?

Quotable Quotes

If I were the repetitive, boring type, I would automatically post a Flashback Friday.

I actually am the repetitive, boring type.  But today, I'm sharing a few of the ridiculous quotes my kids entertained me with last Friday.  Kind of a flashback, but an unofficial one at best.

I make the rules up as I go.  In life and on this blog.  That's no secret.

Last Friday, as the hours were winding down toward the end of Sam's work day, and the end of a very-long-week in the life of a woman thrust into the trenches of stay-at-home-mom-dom, I was completely and utterly exhausted.  If you recall, last week, I cried.  It was the culmination of a non-sleeping toddler, a sassy seven year old, and an unusually good four year old (Thanks, Abby), who had apparently gotten together and decided to play "Tag!" when it came to deciding whose turn it was to be bad.  Momentary brag alert - My kids are awesome.  They really aren't bad.  Frustrating, strong-willed, and busy busy busy, maybe.  But they aren't bad.  Last week was just one of those off weeks.  For them and me.

So by Friday, I cried.

Then I decided to turn my frown upside down.  Because, honestly, the little humans who share this house with me are awesome.  And part of their awesomeness is their accidental hilarity.

The phrase - You have to laugh to keep from crying - comes to mind.  That was last Friday for me.  (I don't "do" exhaustion well, folks.  I confess.)  Though, I often strive to do that daily.  It's a good way to live.  After all, laughter is the best medicine, right?  (Sleep is a close second.)

Anyway, around 3:30pm last Friday, I decided to write down the ridiculously funny things my kids had said and done to make me smile that day.  And here they are for you - though, looking at them now - they were probably just funny because I was tired.  You be the judge.

As usual, I will take whatever liberties I need to in order to properly explain the joke.

[Pssst, Jennie, be quiet and get to the quotes.]

From Ever-Random Abby

[As I sat hunched over the laptop on the floor] What are you doing?  Texting?

Hilarious.  We don't text.  We live in the stone age.  The fact that she somehow still knows that texting exists cracked me up.  Though, it's obvious she doesn't know what it actually is, seeing as how it takes a phone and not a computer.

 

Hey Mommy, your rules are disgusting.  And besides, I don’t like your voice.

I know I should have been upset about this, but she said it with a smile.  I think the delivery was the  best part.  She had no idea what she was talking about.  

How long until we get to Grammies?  Twenty minutes?  Because that would be awful.

How about we're staying home this weekend with no plans to go to Grammie's house?  It's going to be A LOT longer than 20 minutes.

I never got dessert after we ate at Logan’s.

Well that was four days ago, Abby, and as much as I hate to break it to you, we can't save up the times we were deprived dessert and cash them in later.  (That's totally what she was trying to do.)

Abby, who do you want to see at Disney World?
The sea witch who steals Ariel’s throat.

Of all the characters in all the Disney and Pixar movies combined, she picks Ursula to seek out at Disneyworld.  And yikes, she stole Ariel's throat?  That sounds a little graphic.  (Told you she didn't know what a voice was.)

Abby (on the way to soccer evaluations:  What team am I going to be on?
Me:  We’ll find out when they tell us.
Abby:  I want to be on the Pom-Poms.
Me:  Is that a team?  Who told you about it?
Abby:  I know about soccer.  I play it ALL DAY.

True story, the evaluation is the first time she'd even touched a soccer ball.  She sank every shot on goal.  Maybe she plays it all day in her dreams?

What do you want to do today, Abby?
Play and eat ice cream.

Now THAT sounds like a plan.

Abby (from the back seat on the way to Dunkin' Donuts for a much needed coffee for Mom):  Can I have a donut?
Me:  No, because you already had candy.
Abby:  Oh.  Well I didn’t want the candy.

If only it worked that way....

Why am I talking like this?

 

From Sometimes Silly, Sometimes Serious Sarah

Don’t crying, Mommy. 

It was a sweet attempt at consoling me from inside her crib as she refused to go to sleep.  The incorrectness of it made me smile...through the tears.

Me (showing her a banana):  What’s this, Sarah?
Sarah:  NANNY!

This was the first time she ever called it that.  It used to be "nana".  And she cried out "Nanny!" as if she was being reunited with a long-lost friend.  

From the Usually Intelligent Ben

Background - Our entire family was resting on pillows, covered in blankets, on the living room floor.  Ben announced that he was really going to sleep so everyone needed to be quiet.  We didn't heed his instructions.

At which point he asked...

I thought I was a heavy sleeper.  So why do I still hear everything?

Oh Ben.  Probably because you are still AWAKE.

I'm delighted to report that this week went much better.  My sweet Samuel let me take a ridiculously long nap on Sunday, at which point I woke up to a spotless house.  And while that was awesome, he had managed to do in 3 hours what I had failed to do in a whole week.  I'm wondering if this stay-at-home mom thing is for me, after all. 

Thanks to everyone who interceded and wished me luck on the interview.  It went well.  It felt like more of a chit-chat than an interview.  The men who work there are as good as gold, but I know that I have stiff competition.  It is highly probable that I have the least experience in the group of interviewees.  Whatever will be will be.  I'll hopefully find out sometime next week.

Happy Friday, everyone!  Have a very blessed weekend!

Simple Pleasure - Looking Up

I already knew what my simple pleasure was going to be this week.  What I didn't know was that this morning at Bible study, I would find the words to accompany the photos that I've been storing up for a while now.

I'm not exactly sure why I started noticing the sunsets and the clouds in the sky to the extent that I do, but I do remember when.  Back in the fall, on my drive home I spent the majority of my commute on a long, straight 55 mph road with soybean and cotton fields on both sides and pine trees off on the distance.  At 5 o'clock, the sun was reaching the tops of the pine trees on its descent into nighttime and it yielded the most spectacular colors and displays.  It became something I looked forward to every afternoon.

Now, even though I don't have the commute, I still have the sunset...and the morning sun and the afternoon sun.  And those beautiful clouds and hues.

This morning, Beth Moore was discussing one of David's psalms (Psalm 19) as it hailed God's revelation through nature.

 ¹ The heavens declare the glory of God;
   the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
² Day after day they pour forth speech;
   night after night they reveal knowledge.
³ They have no speech, they use no words;
   no sound is heard from them.
⁴ Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
   their words to the ends of the world.

She discussed "the paradox of inaudible noise."  Through which, though no words are spoken, the sun comes up in the morning and screams out the praises of the Creator.  It shines a light on this world that illuminates the interconnectedness of every single thing on this planet that is so far beyond our comprehension.

Romans 1:20 says this:

²⁰ For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.  (New Living Translation)

Today, the majesty of God's most brilliant artwork - that changes every single morning, noon, and night in a new and delightful way - is my simple pleasure.

 

This is a midday sun, trying to peek out from a blanket of clouds...

...which made way for this...a beautiful blue clearing.  I love that.

One of these days, I wholeheartedly intend to capture a sunrise.  We'll see...

In the meantime, I will continue to marvel at these sights and plead with my kids to look out the window/up at the sky/on the horizon.  You don't have to look far for beauty.  It is most certainly all around us.

My assignment for you is to take the time to notice it...right now, tonight, tomorrow morning.  Just sometime.  Extra credit if you lie on your back in the grass and look for cloud shapes.  There are no two ways around it...God's artwork is amazing (and - bonus - completely free). 

Linking up today with Dayle for her Simple Pleasures Party.  I triple dog dare you to go read some more.

'Cuz Moms You're Amazing...Just the Way You Are.

Even your toddler has gotten in on the Mom-Can't-Sing joke when, after hearing you sing your heart out to LeeAnne Rimes' "Blue", she asks from the back seat, "Where's the cow?"  (It might help to explain that for some reason your toddler thinks cows say "Boooo!" not "Moo."  But really, you are just that bad at singing.)

While it's sweet that your four year old dressed her baby sister in a matching outfit to go play, you don't exactly appreciate the white bottoms on a slightly muddy playground.  If ever there were a time for white bottoms on young girls, that would not be it.

You love that your seven year old eats, sleeps, and breathes being outside.  And you especially love the joy on his face when he's doing all those little-boy-things-he's-supposed-to-be-doing like jumping off the swing at max height.

You also love that your carefree four year old would spend all day every day on those same swings.  Your favorite part is how her hair blows all crazy-like in the breeze.  Whoa.

Your four year old has taken to responding to every inquiry with a lackadaisical, "Sure.  That's fine."  No matter how important the answer might be.  For instance, "Abby, do you want to go to Disney World?"  You guessed it..."Sure.  That's fine."  (I hate to know what it might take to actually impress her.)

It occurred to you the other day that your oldest hasn't missed a single day of school this year and you filled with pride at his oh-so-strong immune system.  As soon as those thoughts crossed your brain you expelled them, knowing full well your moment of pride likely just jinxed him with a bout of mono or a freak fever of unknown origin.

You ask your four year old, who is going through an unprecedented helpful phase, to put her baby sister's old milk cup in the sink for you, to which she responds, "Okay.  I know I'm your favorite."  While you're sure you have never said that to any of your kids, at least she's agreeable...and knows she's loved?

When you find your toddler dancing in the kitchen to the timer on the oven, you immediately come up with her new anthem, "The Rhythm is Going to Get You."

Despite all of your attempts to pass on your disdain for cats to your children, it turns out they love them.  Passionately.  Which just goes to show that free will is real, friends.

Your flip video camera provides constant entertainment whenever the kids get their hands on it.  It also provides incriminating video of your kids doing things you  had no idea ever happened.  Like the time your four year old apparently gave Pop Rocks to your toddler and then video taped it.  (Seriously, when did this happen?  Obviously, before Sam cleaned up the living room...)

When your four year old girl sank every. single. shot. on goal at her soccer evaluation and your seven year old boy didn't, you thought it might cause familial strife.  You were wrong.  Phew.

Have a wonderful Wednesday, everyone!  

(P.S. - I have a big interview this afternoon for a job that I truly think could be the next big thing.  If you would, please pray that they like me more than the other interviewees.  Just kidding...  Kind of.)