How Do I Know I'm a Mom? Nothing surprises me anymore.

You hear one of your kids say, "Gross!", and before you run into the next room to inspect, you pause a moment to consider the possibilities.  No one ever claimed your imagination was anything less than overly-active.  This allows for you to be underwhelmed, 9 times out of 10, by the "gross" situation.

You'd love to take the inventor of the lickable fruit roll-up tattoos out back and pour syrup and jelly all over him/her.  It might be cruel and/or unusual, but at least it's equitable.

You've been engaged in a tug of war match with your toddler over the remote that you weren't completely confident you would end up winning.

You thought it was wise to rest your night-time cup of water high on the bed post, out of reach (at least out of easy reach) from your toddler.  You didn't anticipate waking up to a whooshing noise, an "Uh oh", and a rather large puddle on your bed.  The moral of the story:  Never underestimate toddlers.  Ever.

Just like there's a sweet spot on a baseball bat, field hockey stick, and golf club, there seems to be a sweet spot on your precious toddler's face and/or head.  This is the spot that will repeatedly get hit/banged/cut/bruised/goose-egged/knocked into a door frame/rammed into the tile floor.  They all have them.  Every last child on the planet.

You have no idea who gave your wily toddler the idea to climb out of her crib.

You've gone to the grocery store, the library, and your son's school only to come home and realize that you've been sporting half a dozen Disney princess stickers on the back of your shirt.  All Belle, of course, because your four year old knows she's your favorite.

On the same day your daughter dove off her older sister's bed, she also jumped out of her backyard swing and landed in a heaping pile of debris from the previous evening's storm.  Before cleaning her up, but after being sure she wasn't injured, you snapped this picture because, come on, that's funny (and maybe a little bit sad)...

You've been asked, out of the blue by your seven year old, if captured by pirates whether you would choose to join the pirate crew or die.  You were only slightly taken aback by that.  Less surprising was his quick and decisive answer that he would never answer to a pirate.

When people ask how it is that your toddler climbs out of her crib, you need only to show them this picture.  Then you explain that you have big plans for her in the area of contortionism - or, at the very least, gymnastics.

On a related note, sometimes you find things out about your children that you never would have guessed - like how they may have promising futures in break-dancing.

Most surprising, however, is when you find your ordinarily-adventurous toddler sitting calmly doing a puzzle in the midst of the break-dancing session.


Aneesa said...

That is so funny with the kids in the crib, because I have almost exact pictures of all my boys in the crib like that, too :) I'll go in there sometimes and find them all happily playing (or sometimes jumping off the edge) in the crib. What's up with that? Let's hope its just the love they have for their baby sibling! Love this as always.

Dayle said...

Never a dull moment.

Debbie said...

I'm having phantom picture seeing problems again so I HOPE I'm seeing all your pictures.

Whether I am or not, the narration alone makes me laugh.

YOU, my dear, get the crown this week for wearing the stickers on your back. I'm doing that shoulder up and down chuckle right now just thinking about it.

I hope we hear more from DW! You are probably still exhausted from the restful vacation. I heard through the grapevine that Grammie had a full Sarah week and loved every exhausting moment of it, too.

Sharon Kirby said...

I don't know why this whole post made me think of some song my sons used to sing - I can't remember the title - something about monkeys jumping on the bed...(no offense to your kids!)

I cracked up at the stickers on your back, Jennie - that was just too funny. My youngest son used to put Chiquita banana stickers on me - I think they read "Fresh" or something like that. I think he was a little "fresh" to do that, don't you think? Of course, I wouldn't mind those stickers NOW - just to remind people that I haven't passed my expiration date!

Sarah puzzling quietly???? I think I just saw pigs flying...

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