I am absolutely terrible at change. It is perhaps my greatest fear in life. I am not just loyal to a fault, I'm comfortable to a fault. Even if things are not as good as they could be, if it's my routine, that's what I do. Because I am the biggest creature of habit in the entire world.
So when things change, I'm a bit like a poor lost child in any gigantic department store of your choice. I wander around aimlessly, often teary-eyed, casually at first and then more and more frantically. Needless to say, unemployment has rocked my world. (This seems like an appropriate time to mention that the term "funemployment" is not just a non-reality for me, but it's a mystery to me as to how someone could enjoy it.)
I should mention that my time with my girls has been priceless thus far. They've been a joy and have been a great bright spot for me. I can't deny that.
But - it's just not what I'm used to. Not yet, at least.
My husband, who is my best friend as well as a tremendous employee with many, many networking opportunities, landed me a meeting with a VP of a company this afternoon. After just nine days of unemployment, my husband has come to the rescue. I don't know what the position is about, what they are expecting, or anything. I don't know what will come of it, if anything. But the prospect of having an interview, and so quickly, has brightened my outlook.
Of course, you know how my mind works...and if you don't, let's just say it's a little scary in there. With each new opportunity comes a fresh series of things for me to worry about. Like how to actually interview. What to wear to the interview. How to do my hair (because, really, I don't do that). What time to show up. Dealing with either a job offer or a rejection. Feeling guilty because Sam has to miss work for me to do these things. Knowing that my interviewer knows Sam and how awesome he is and expects the same from me. (Not too many people can live up to those standards - I assure you. He's awesome!)
See what I mean? Crazy, I tell you.
So - let's be optimistic and say that they offer me a job. I can safely assume it will not be like my previous job. Here are my list of fears about a potential new workplace:
~Not being able to wear jeans every day.
~Having to spend money on a new, more-professional wardrobe.
~Having to physically shop and try on clothes to beef up said wardrobe.
~Not being able to listen to music while I work.
~Not being able to speak candidly about political and religious topics.
~The potential to have to bring work home.
~A farther commute.
~Starting the job and realizing I'm way under-qualified.
~New coworkers with a whole host of fears related to them alone.
And of course, the advice I would give to myself would, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
And then I have to force myself to hear the words. And believe them. And rely on a peace that I cannot provide myself.
Now here I am begging some more prayers off of you. Mostly for that peace and a calming of my nerves. And a little dose of confidence would be nice too...but I don't want to be greedy! The meeting is a 2pm EST today. Thanks, guys. I mean it.
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