How to Know You're a Mom (Installment One)

Disclaimer: If you know me, you know my penchant for lists. It's a compulsion really.

That being said, I was reflecting on one of my Facebook statuses from the other day (as I darted for the restroom with haste because it had been so long since I'd last peed), and decided to make a collection of "You Might be a Mom if's"... I hate to limit myself to the ones I could think of in a few minutes at work, hence, Installment One.

Without further ado...

How to Know You're a Mom (Installment One)

  • You have no trouble reminding your kids to go to the potty, but by the time you go yourself, it's a pee-in-the-pants emergency.
  • You choose your parking spot based moreso on the proximity to the cart corral than the proximity to the front door.
  • You can remember to pack lunches, sign papers, make bottles for daycare, send diapers & changes of clothes, clean and pack the breastpump bag, and start the dishwasher, but you forget to change out of flip-flops before you leave for work.
  • You've ever prayed that your deodorant is strong enough to mask the Eau de Spitup that you were christened with as you dropped the baby off at daycare.
  • You subsequently prayed that you remembered to put on deodorant that morning.
  • You're out of milk, bread, eggs, fresh fruits & veggies, toilet paper, and diapers, but you decide it's time to get creative because taking all of the kids to the grocery store just isn't worth it.
  • You qualify 'tossing around an unruly 2-year old' as your daily workout.
  • You actually start to like eating hot dogs and macaroni and cheese.
  • Hours pass before you stop and wonder, "When *is* the last time I ate something?"
  • You can't find your mascara, chapstick, or a pen in your purse, but you have a whole arsenal of Color Wonders markers, restaurant crayons, used tissues, and stray Goldfish if you need them.
  • You are completely unaware of current events, but you can sing the theme song of every show on the Disney channel verbatim, recount the number of wet/poopy diapers your 3-month old had in the past 24 hours, and you now know more Spanish (thanks to Dora) than you learned German in 3 years of high school instruction.
  • Your idea of a night out is a cup of coffee and a solo trip to Kroger.
  • You've entertained your kids using nothing but a straw wrapper.
  • Your child finally sleeps through the night, just as you develop a severe case of insomnia.
This concludes Installment One. Rest assured, others will follow!


amy said...

Yep, I'll fully admit I was 1/2way to a parent teacher conference the other day before I realized I was in a nice skirt, blouse, and crocs! Ugh!

Of course, I've been a mom LONG enough that I turned around and got my shoes, despite the protests.


Brooke said...

The shopping cart corral...TOTALLY true! That is the deciding factor in a grocery trip with the baby.

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