Not My Friend Anymore

I've lost a few Facebook friends in the past few weeks.  I guess they were intolerant of my alleged intolerance.  Or maybe they're just tired of my incessant updates about the mundane things in my life that trip me out - like our bacon-3-ways experiment at lunch the other day (fyi - the kids prefer baked bacon to fried or microwaved).  Or perhaps they're weary of the never-ending photo posts of my kids doing cooky things - like making our own Rosetta stone or fashioning a ramp for their razor scooter out of a lawn chair and a bucket or coloring all over themselves or drooling out rice cereal.

Or maybe they just don't like me.  Period.

My problem is that I care.

I have always cared what people think about me.  What a terrible burden to bear.  I spend way too much time guessing what other people think of me.  I mask these feelings in insecurity, which I know now is a deep-rooted form of narcissism, pride, self-indulgence.  The fact is, people don't think about me much at all.  And even if they do, it's probably not as bad as I think it is.  And even if it is as bad as I think it is, it just doesn't matter - provided I'm doing the best I can to live a life pleasing to and indicative of my relationship with Jesus.

I don't particularly care about the number of friends I have on Facebook.  It's not about the bottom line for me.  I do care about offending people, and I go to great lengths to be tactful.  Respect is important to me, if we agree, sure, but especially if we do not.  I take these things personally, and then I dwell.  Then it trickles into other parts of my life - my marriage, my kids.  Trust me, they don't know the answer to nor do they care about the question, "Why did they defriend me?"  I was not built to debate.  I was not constructed by my Creator to seek out and thrive on controversy.  It's not good for my health or my relationships.  (I say that partially in jest, but there's note of sincerity there.)

I have invested too much of my thought life on things that aren't important.  I don't need to wonder what others think about me.  Instead I need to concentrate on what I know God says about me.  I just finished a super cool summer Bible study with some friends where we delved into scripture and listened to how it spoke to us specifically.  (It was great - Can We Talk? by Priscilla Shirer. I recommend it!)  There was an entire week devoted to taking off our old selves and putting on the new. 

At the end of this week, there was a bonus section about our identity in Christ.  It was a breath of fresh air to read and claim God's feelings for me.  Among the many listed, here are a few that spoke to me:

I have access to God's wisdom.  James 1:5
I am tenderly loved by God.  Jeremiah 31:3
I am chosen by God to bear fruit.  John 15:6
I have been rescued from Satan's domain and transferred into the kingdom of Christ.  Colossians 1:13
I have been made complete in Christ.  Colossians 2:10
I cannot be separated from the love of God.  Romans 8:35
I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be perfected.  Philippians 1:6
I am God's workmanship.  Ephesians 2:10
I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13
If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.  2 Corinthians 5:17
I pray that as I mature, and as the sanctification process strips me of the "old" I'll stop caring about who defriended me on Facebook and why.  Because, the one that supercedes anyone on Facebook won't defriend me. I cannot be separated from the love of God.  

How do you feel about being defriended on Facebook?  Are you on Facebook?  Perhaps the fact that I'm writing about this at all means I need to cut out that idol?  Tell me your thoughts!  I'd love to hear them.


April Thornton said...

I completely and totally relate to your feelings. I mean seriously- I could have written this post. And it's not just FB de-friending but a whole myriad of thoughts and ideas that I get off the internet that in the end do not help to keep me grounded in the Truth. It is for this and many other reasons that I am pretty ecstatic about saying goodbye to my daily in-house connection to the internet and all that it pours into my/our life. Keeping it to just an hour or 2 a week is going to be incredibly beneficial for me personally and also for our family. :)

Chrystal's Corner said...

I too waste way to much time dwelling on things that truly don't matter...including what others think of me. It is one thing to worry about the things spoken in truth from those who truly want to see you grow but that is not usually the stuff that is taking up space in my head. I am on Facebook, it bugs me to no end to be unfriended, and ultimately anything that is contributing to the lies that seperate us from Christ probably isn't worth so much of our time. (Easier said than done though, right?)

Debbie said...

I don't have a FB for three reasons.

1. I don't want to encourage yet one more time addiction. Because I'm an empty nester with far more time on her hands than she has had for 20 years, I am prone to failing in that area.

2. This might be blunt but, I really don't care about "reconnecting" with random old acquaintances. I also don't really want random old snoopy acquaintances snoopity snooping in on my life on a regular basis. (So I blog?? Yes, I know that's crazy...)

However, the main one is #3:

I am too insecure for things like defriending. I agree with you completely that it's based in vanity. I am trying to deal with my feelings of insecurity before I'm 60. I'll let you know if I do. Pathetic, isn't it?

Emily said...

It's interesting to hear your thoughts on this from that perspective. I defriend people when I get in the "purge" mode on facebook. I don't have a particularly negative reason for defriending someone though :)...BUT, the main reason for defriending folks is this:

I have nothing to do with them in this season of life, never really did when they WERE in my life and I never think about them :/ Eh. Unfriend. and aahhh, how I love decluttering! :)

You are so insightful and funny, and anyone who knows you LOVES reading(and being able to relate to) your posts. I wouldn't sweat it :)

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't worry. Your posts are always respectful. Who knows? You might be giving someone out there the push they need. You adhere to your faith, and show that to everyone. You never know who is reading and gleaning from you. Keep it up!

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