And here are some tell tale signs that you are a mom...
You've gone to a circus, watched a bunch of little men and women do bizarre things with their bodies, and at any point in time thought, "That's nothing. (Insert own kids name here) could totally do that too."
You've passed some undeniable traits on to your offspring like the dent in your son's right ear (that came from you) or the cowlicks in all of your kid's hair (those came from your husband), and it makes you smile and amazes you that genes carry information like that.
You have your first kid-free weekend in what feels like years, and the whole time you're away, everywhere you look you're reminded of your children. For instance, "Ben would love this dinosaur museum" and "Abby would love this caramel popcorn" and "Sarah would totally dive off this boat into the Chicago River."
You're pretty sure you've given birth to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Fortunately, the transformation to Mr. Hyde is very preventable with a little thing we moms lovingly refer to as "naptime".
You love the magical summer after your child is potty-trained because it allows you to use the previous summer's shorts again. The kid may have grown, sure, but the absence of a diaper creates a lot of room for a bigger booty!
You discovered some unopened jars of baby food in your pantry from a few months ago. Since your one year old is a human garbage disposal, you tried feeding her some of the Stage 1 Beef (aka mush). It couldn't hurt, right? She ate a good four heaping spoonfuls before she turned her head away in protest, which can only mean one thing: If Sarah rejected it, it must be unfit for human consumption.
If you ever need assistance unloading the dishwasher or the dryer, you can always count on your toddler to jump to the task. She's a good "helper".
In desperate situations, you let your kids use your camera phone to occupy themselves. Later, as you peruse your picture gallery, you find shots of every single house along your street from the vantage point of their carseat. A budding real estate appraiser, perhaps?
While passing out drink boxes, the following words automatically come out of your mouth: "Don't squeeze it."
Hands down, no contest. The best kisses you've ever had were stolen from sleeping children.
RE-LEASING MY BURDENS
2 weeks ago