well it's wednesday again!

Which can only mean one thing...time for some more Mom Things.

It warms your heart to see your older child reading to your younger child at bedtime, especially when he's willingly reading a book of her choosing about Disney princesses.

Then you get a little bit sad about it...because it kind of means they don't need you anymore.

Despite your best efforts not to, you have become one of those moms who actually thinks that people care about the silly things your children say and do 24/7.

Completely by accident, you discover that your three year old eats salad.  And here you thought she only liked chocolate and peanut butter crackers all this time.

After your six year old sings "You look like a monkey...and you smell like one too!" to your almost one-year old, your three year old chimes in with "Three!"  Apparently, she thinks it's a song about counting.

Since that song was over, your three year old began singing an original song about the intricacies of Southern word choice.  Some of the lyrics include, "Grandaddy says 'supper' and Daddy says 'dinnnnneeeerrrr'!  But dinner is the same as suupppppppeerrrr!"

When made into a game, household chores can be a blast.  For example, "Abby, would you please ride your firetruck and deliver these washcloths to the towel cabinet under my sink?!  It's an emergency!"

This is generally what happens when you say, "Hold still and let me take your picture":

You try not to convey to your children that you are deathly afraid of barnyard animals, so, unfortunately for them, petting zoo opportunities are few and far between for your family.

Your six year old tell you he knows what "curls" are because he learned about them in school.  He proceeds to explain that it's when you have more than one of something.  You explain that you think he means "plurals".  And then you realize that sometimes life is just one big game of telephone.

#88 - Fix something instead of buying a new one...check!

Remember that list thing?  I am 222 days into the thing, which means at a pace of one task every ten days, I should have completed 22 tasks by now.  And here I am crossing off my twenty-third.  Not too shabby, if I might say so myself.

This week promises to be a productive one on the list front.  At least, I hope it will be!  The first task I get to cross off is #88 ~ Fix something instead of buying a new one.

I put this on the list because we have a disposable mentality, not just me, not just my household, but our culture.  I'm pretty sure this is our generation's fault.  My dad is a fixer, rigger, and make-it-work kind of dude.  My grandfather was the same way.  My boss tells the story about his father who kept three non-working washing machines on their back porch in case the working one quit, he could just walk out back and snatch a part off.  There are lots of reasons we don't think this way anymore.  Partially, we think it's not worth the time or money to fix something, especially when we can just buy a new one for a few more dollars.  Mostly though, I think we're lazy.  It's easier not to fix things.  End of story.

We got some new neighbors earlier this year.  They live across the street and they seem to be busy bees out in the yard, sprucing it up.  They're always trimming, clipping, mowing, and planting something.  This may have been what gave me a complex about our yard that prompted the big mulch adventure a few weeks back.   Although, if I were going to have a complex about inferior yards because of neighbors, I'd already have it.  The man on the corner has always kept his yard pristine.  (How does he do that?!)  Fine, I admit it.  I covet his grass that could double as carpet and his eternally pine-poofed flower beds. 

Between the always pristine corner yard and ambitiously trimming new neighbors, I turned to my house and decided it was time to trim the hedges.  This is no small task, as the previous owners spared no expense filling the flowerbeds with abounding amounts of needs-to-be trimmed flora.  No worries, though!  When Sam and I got married, my dad donated lots of tools to help get us started.  One of these tools was a set of power hedge trimmers that had, until recently, been nestled in a cob-webby corner of our garage inside a box of miscellaneous other previously-unused items.  Nevertheless, I remembered they were there and, by golly, I was finally going to use them!

I found our ginormous extension cord on a spool, plugged the puppy in, and pulled the trigger!

They did nothing....unless you count that grunting sound.

The things were completely and totally seized up with rust.

You know what my first thought was?  "Guess I need to get to Lowe's and buy a new hedge trimmer...'sigh'"  Sad but true.

Then I realized.  It's just rust.  Surely a little rust doesn't render something eternally useless, does it?  A discussion with Mr. Fix-it (aka my dad) confirmed that this was no job some Liquid Wrench or WD-40 couldn't fix.  A disassembly, a few sprays of WD-40, and no more than 10 minutes later, that things was fired up and ready to go.

It would sit in the garage for several more weeks as wasps, high-temperatures, and that thing known as "life" got in the way for that long.  Then on a whim, my wonderful husband decided to give me yet another Mother's Day present.  On Sunday night, he pruned our entire front yard with the trimmers.  Did it matter that he ran out of daylight?  Not to Sam!  He finished the whole thing up with nary a stinging pest or high temperatures causing even the slightest hindrance.

I like to think I made it all possible...because I fixed the trimmers...instead of buying new ones.  (I'm not sure Sam sees it this way.)

And with that, #88, consider yourself checked!

Best Mother's Day Present EVER

I got some tremendous gifts this year...from new clothes and a beautiful beverage dispenser from Kirklands for all of the entertaining I wish we did but don't actually (Thank you, Sam!) to a suitcase full of handcrafted paper items since he "didn't have any money" (Thank you, Ben!).  I got some crafts that the kids made in school, complete with handprints in some form or another (and I absolutely LOVE that!).

This one tops them all though.  And in the interest of brevity, I will simply post a picture so you can peruse for yourself.  Feel free to click on it if you can't read it clearly.

Priceless.

Becoming "Mom"

I turned twenty just two weeks before delivering my firstborn, thereby excusing me from that stigmatic "teen mom" label (not by much, but enough that it counts).  Sam and I had finished up our sophomore year of college the May before.  We spent the summer working, applying for better jobs, taking classes, and buying a new home.  It seems like we squeezed about ten years into those few months.  On September 5, 2003 at 10:55am, I became a mom.

The thing about becoming a mom is that it happens in an instant.  And, for me, the instant was so fast that reality didn't have a chance to set in.

Disclaimer:  Before I go any further, I should clarify that I believe life starts at conception, and therefore motherhood begins in that different, particular instant, but I truly didn't feel or understand the magnitude of my new role until I held that tiny baby in my arms.

I remember just after I finished my final push and saw Ben for the first time, after the Stork Squad checked him out and gave him the a-okay after seeing meconium in my water, when they placed him on my chest and I held him for the first time.  It was like an out-of-body experience.  I might as well have been watching myself on tv.  There I was holding that tiny little boy.  I had to tell myself, "He is mine."

Not surprisingly, he came out hungry (and he still is to this day, even 10 minutes after a meal).  We worked through nursing, and he was a champ from the start.  That is when it really occurred to me.  Even though I had carried and nourished him for the past nine months, I was responsible for the complete care of this little man, this person.  He was coming home with us.  To Sam's and my house.  If I wanted to run to the grocery store, he had to come with me.  If I wanted to go for a walk, I needed to pull out the stroller.  If I wanted to take a shower, (I would soon find out) that I would need to wait for the opportune time perhaps during a nap or moment of contentment (which would be few and far between).  I hadn't just birthed a son.  We had a brand new, perpetual sidekick.

I learned that becoming a mom was the ultimate lesson in selflessness.  I no longer had the luxury of making choices based on what I alone thought or felt.  I weighed everything based on not only myself, but my child and my family.   I became an unintentional advocate.

"I am the Lorax Mom.  I speak for the trees my child." ~The Lorax Mom

Things I didn't know I would ever care about became important to me, like what to feed a child who refuses whole milk at age one, carseat safety, whether to send my kid to private or public school, the speed at which other drivers whiz through our residential neighborhood.  I began to be intensely moved by news articles about needy children and stories about neglectful parents.  Reading things like that always made me sad before, but after having a child of my own, they angered and motivated me.  I didn't (and still don't) understand how a parent could ever be that emotionally disconnected from an extension of their very own life. 

Becoming a mom didn't detract from my motivation, it fueled it.  It made me want to do things better.  I not only had to continue on my own path, but I had to set an example for my kids because, like it or not, we are our childrens' inspiration.  They learn by watching, just as we did when we were little.  Whether we didn't like what our parent's did or we thought they were great, it's in our power to emulate the characteristics we want to model for our children.  

Being a mom is a twenty-four hour job.  The local hospital offered a number of classes prior to becoming a mom that may have given an inkling of what parenthood was going to be like, but there's really nothing more valuable or meaningful than the on-the-job training.  It's sink or swim.  I made mistakes and learned from them.  I still makes lots of mistakes, and I will continue to learn from them.  The education I get from my failures isn't at the expense of my kids, it's for their benefit.  Some day they'll realize this, and hopefully appreciate it.

I have learned, since becoming a mom, that the hardest mom tasks aren't the ones you'd expect to be hard.  Changing diapers, getting the kids in bed a reasonable hour, juggling laundry, dishes, carpools.  Those are a piece of cake.  The hard part is sticking to your guns.  It is so much easier to cave when a child is looking at you with those droopy sad eyes asking for just one more piece of candy.  It's a lot easier to ignore a bad behavior than to correct one.  It is so much easier to condemn another parent for his or her parenting choices before you're a parent yourself.  As a general rule in parenting, I believe that if it's easier, it's probably not the best.

I am on child number three now, and it feels like I've been a mom for about a century.  At the same time, it feels like just yesterday that the nurse placed a hefty 8 pound 14 ounce Ben on my chest.  That's the paradox of time through the eyes of a mom, I've learned.  I owe so much to my kids.  Without them, I wouldn't be where I am in this life.  Things don't always play out the way we plan them, and thank God for that.  

So this is my Mother's Day post.  A day late (and perhaps a dollar short), but that's how I roll these days.  I hope you spent the day exactly how you wanted to spend it!  As for me, my kids and I woke up to a home-cooked breakfast, cool temperatures, and a day at Grammie's house.  We even rounded out the night with a surprise dessert at the Mexican restaurant on the way home.  For Mother's Day, I got a free fried ice cream.  Like I needed that.

And for fun - here's a picture of my amazing mother-in-law and her five grands on Mother's Day Eve.  I hope some day I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by so many grand kids that are equally as precious and be that happy about it.

Happy Belated Mother's Day!

Mom Giggles

I'm taking this opportunity to share my favorite mom jokes.  They've been emailed around nine hundred million times, so they're the same old classic, read-them-before jokes you've already seen.  It matters not.  They spoke to me, and I'm sharing them again.

Joke #1

Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name
1st baby: You pour over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.

Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Sleeping
1st baby: Sleeps in your bedroom for the first six - eight weeks
2nd baby: Sleeps in your bedroom for the first two weeks
3rd baby: Goes right from the hospital nursery into their own room

Baby Book
1st baby: You religiously make entries every day, carefully noting the number of spit-ups and bowel movements for the first year
2nd baby: You enter a few facts each week but stop after 6 months
3rd baby: You buy the book but enter the child's name, birth weight, and length on the first page

Diapering
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing a coin
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass.
3rd child: When 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

*I've considered creating a list like this of my own many times.  Maybe someday...

Joke #2

Are You Ready for Children?  Here are a few tests to help you decide.

Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test (Women): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

Physical Test (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers. 

Joke #3 (wrong season, but still a favorite of mine!)

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.  I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

 

Here are my Christmas wishes:

 

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,  which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.  I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.  On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.   I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.   

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.   If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.  Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, 

MOM

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.