So by virtue of my personality, I am easily overwhelmed.
Probably not a great trait for a mom of five plus kids.
It's not just the kids though. It's life. It's my lack of boundaries. My inability to say no. My non-confrontational desire to be a people-pleaser. I heap the anxiety on myself by my own actions, and then I suffer for it. It's really no one's fault but my own.
So today, I have a prayer.
I pray that I will be brave. That I can be bold. That I can say "No." to the things that detract from my ability to function so that I can give my emphatic "Yes!!!" to the things that I can do with my whole heart. I pray that I will say only what needs to be said. That I will stop apologizing for things for which I owe no apology. That I will stop letting people bulldoze and take advantage of me. I pray that I will have the fortitude to stand up for what's best for me, Sam, and my kids instead of taking for granted the grace they give me when I put others in front of them. I pray that God will turn my heart from its natural inclination to complain and gripe and instead fill me with a grateful heart and no regrets. I pray that my interactions with people whom I don't perfectly gel will be grace-filled. Because I can do none of these things on my own. I've tried. I've tried for years. And as usual, that hasn't worked out. I'm giving it up. And asking for help. I don't want to carry this anymore. I don't want to teach my kids that it is okay to let people run all over you. I want to set a strong example. I want to be able to give my best, including with my best attitude.
That's today's prayer. One I should I have started praying a long time ago.
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5