Doubt, Insecurity, and McNuggets

I spend way too much time inside my own head.  Wondering, worrying, obsessing.  This is why the internet is bad for my health.  As if my overactive imagination needs any more fuel.  Opinion after well-informed opinion after misguided opinion clutter up the already over-exercised muscles of my brain.

Did you know that Dove Shampoo can cause some sort of flesh-eating disease resulting in the most nauseating growth on your shoulder that the world has ever seen?

Did you know that if you continue to shop at Hobby Lobby following the Supreme Court's ruling yesterday that you not only directly support child slavery, but you should also not even consider yourself to be a Christian for buying things made in China?

Did you know that some people think the only reason someone believes in God is because they are weak and feeble-minded, even pitiable?

Did you know that drinking out of a plastic water bottle is the same as poisoning your body from the harmful substances in the bottle that leach into the water?  Did you know it's 1000 times worse if you drink out of a plastic bottle that's been heated up (like inside of a car)?  Or microwaved?

Did you know that consuming chicken nuggets at McDonalds will cause, if not certain death, all kinds of calamitous health issues - because, that's not even close to chicken?  (Did I just spot a fingernail in there?!)

Did you know the drop-side crib we've used for all of our children is really nothing more than a child-sized mouse trap?

Did you know that hotels don't wash those glass cups they leave in the room for you to drink out of?  If you're lucky they spray them with some glass cleaner and let it ride.

Did you know that on the very same day you can read the compelling benefits of both a high-fat and low-fat diet, drinking coffee and abstaining from it, buying organic and how the whole anti-GMO movement is actually a conspiracy, going gluten-free versus eating whole grains, the necessity of dairy and its associated fats in the development of the human brain and how cow's milk is the worst thing to happen to the human diet since...sliced [enriched, bleached] white bread?

No wonder I'm confused.  And stressed out.

Because, my goodness, I'm just never going get it right.

Like, none of it.

It is exhausting to spend every second of the day second-guessing your every move.  I waver between conceding that I'm never going to get it right and feeling good about my life's decisions and wondering in which areas I'm drastically failing and needing to show improvement.  Sometimes I feel overcome with guilt or self-consciousness, and that's not a good reason to make changes.  You know, like when I'm pushing my cart through the grocery store and one of my foodie friends calls to me from down the aisle and there's no way I can hide the Cool Ranch Doritos, Capri Suns, and Twizzlers in my cart.  And then I'm feeling good because I do have lots of fresh veggies in there.  But they aren't necessarily organic.  I did make whole-wheat waffles the other day though, maybe I should tell them that?  Or I can tell them I have a 10-lb bag of organic carrots at home because they seem to keep longer than the conventional kind? 

If they're a real friend, they don't care about the contents of my grocery cart but the contents of my heart. 

And all of these questions running through my mind?  It's just doubt.  Reasonable doubt, at times, maybe.  But doubt none the less. 

Don't you know doubt is the original weapon? 
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” (Emphasis mine) Genesis 3:1 
All it takes is that tiny seed of doubt to get the crazy train going. 

Am I doing this wrong?  Am I inadequate?  Am I a bad wife?  A terrible friend?  Am I jeopardizing my family's health and safety? 

There are just so very many opinions that we've turned into rules.  The world has set an impossible standard, and, really, which standard do I pick?  There are four bazillion to choose from. 

This is where grace and the rest of faith come in.  I'm not going to get it right.  And trying to attain perfection will just leave me lacking and frustrated.  I can do my best, and I'll let Jesus fill in my gaps with grace and forgiveness.  I can rest knowing I don't have to be perfect, but I can strive to know where God is leading me, and pray for discernment between doubt and guilt versus real conviction.  Rest.  Peace.  Yes, please.  More of that stuff.  Less of the brain clutter. 

My standard is this -
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”  Jesus replied: "‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Matthew 26:36-39
If I'm not all wrapped up in love, all that other stuff can take a backseat. 

That's where I'm going to put it.  Won't you join me?


Jade Steckly said...

Amen! It's all SO confusing!! And we just can't seem to "win" no matter what we do. A funny story about the grocery store thing...I'm not sure why the cashier told me this but one day while I was checking out she said it's amazing how many people justify their purchases to her while she's checking them out. They say things like, "I don't normally buy this, but..." or something to that effect. She said that she always thinks, "I don't care one bit what you are buying! I'm just doing my job!" LOL
And once again, you totally hit the nail on the head. And I really needed to hear that with the way my life has been going lately. the adjustment to 5 kids is overwhelming sometimes. It's not their fault, they are all being great, but I let myself get caught up in the confusion and brain clutter, and then I kind of implode. Thank you for the reminder Jennie! Keep it wrapped up in love :)

Sharon said...

Amen, sister Jennie, you preach it!! I am a notorious second-guesser about many of the same things you talk about. Before you know it they're going to tell us that breathing can be hazardous to your health. Not breathing polluted air, just breathing...period.

I love the truth lesson you pulled out of this. Never perfection, except for Jesus. And because of that we can be cloaked in His love, and we can pass it on.


Jaybird said...

I ran into a acquiantance at the store earlier this year... my buying Aldi meat (ack, horse meat in Europe) seemed to bolster her resolve :) We traded neuroses on schooling and feeding our kids... I so get this one. More real life, less pseudo-expert knowledge!!!!

Post a Comment

Before you go, I'd love to hear from you! Let me know what's on your mind! (Please and thank you.)

Back to Top