Today

I've never been an easy-going person.  I pretend a lot.  I think I've had to adapt a good bit, not necessarily by choice.  I'm learning to take things a little more in stride, but I don't know that it will ever come naturally for me.

So by virtue of my personality, I am easily overwhelmed.

Probably not a great trait for a mom of five plus kids.

It's not just the kids though.  It's life.  It's my lack of boundaries.  My inability to say no.  My non-confrontational desire to be a people-pleaser.  I heap the anxiety on myself by my own actions, and then I suffer for it.  It's really no one's fault but my own.

So today, I have a prayer.

I pray that I will be brave.  That I can be bold.  That I can say "No." to the things that detract from my ability to function so that I can give my emphatic "Yes!!!" to the things that I can do with my whole heart.  I pray that I will say only what needs to be said.  That I will stop apologizing for things for which I owe no apology.  That I will stop letting people bulldoze and take advantage of me.  I pray that I will have the fortitude to stand up for what's best for me, Sam, and my kids instead of taking for granted the grace they give me when I put others in front of them.  I pray that God will turn my heart from its natural inclination to complain and gripe and instead fill me with a grateful heart and no regrets.  I pray that my interactions with people whom I don't perfectly gel will be grace-filled.  Because I can do none of these things on my own.  I've tried.  I've tried for years.  And as usual, that hasn't worked out.  I'm giving it up.  And asking for help.  I don't want to carry this anymore.  I don't want to teach my kids that it is okay to let people run all over you.  I want to set a strong example.  I want to be able to give my best, including with my best attitude.

That's today's prayer.  One I should I have started praying a long time ago.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  James 1:5