Happy "Tin"th Anniversary, Sam!

There are certain milestones in life that make you feel older.  Sometimes that's exciting.  Like turning sixteen and being able to drive.  Or eighteen and being able to vote (maybe that's just because I am a nerd).  Then there was the day I got married.  The day I held my baby for the first time.  The day I got invited to my high school reunion.  Then the days I held my second, third, and fourth babies for the first time.  Today is another such day.  Today, is the day Sam and I celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary.  (You can't see me, but I'm fist-pumping, because that's a big deal.  Even if it does make me feel old.)

Today I reflect on the last ten years because as a nineteen year old sophomore in college if you'd have asked me, "Where would you like to be in 10 years?" my answer would not have been...here on this stool with a baby literally pulling the pants off of my leg, drinking coffee at 4pm to keep me from falling asleep on the job, with my Bible study homework sitting out on the kitchen table scoffing at me for getting so far behind...on the first week.

Just goes to show you, nineteen year old college sophomores don't usually know what they're talking about.

If you asked me today where I'd like to be my answer would be a decided, "I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be."  (Okay, that's kind of a lie.  I'd rather be taking a shower.  Without any kids staring at me through the glass door, but you get the point.)  It's definitely God's craftsmanship that got me to where I need to be.  But this isn't about me.  This is about us.  

Sam and I met in our first class at Mercer University.  It was the 8am Calculus II class they stick the unfortunate freshman in because they get last dibs.  We would have met anyway, even if we hadn't been on the same row in that class.  After all, Mercer is not large, we were both engineering students, and we had mutual friends.  It's just all too fitting that we would meet in that class.  It makes me giggle.  We didn't start dating immediately, but once we did, that's all she wrote.  I knew.  He knew.  We were M.F.E.O.  (Hahaha - Sleepless in Seattle, anyone?)  By the summer break, we were hooked.  There was nothing that could tear us apart.  Except for that little thing called 800 miles between his home and mine.  I'm so glad we had that.  I never knew I'd be an old romantic, but during those few months apart (where we literally had a countdown until we were back to school), we wrote each other letters every single day.  The USPS was in no financial danger that summer.  Believe me.  We both kept those letters, and they are safe in the attic of our home from any little kids' eyes.  They're mostly PG.  It's not that.  It's just that some things of the heart are best kept in confidence.  Maybe someday they can read them.

Yesterday, I was retrieving an old picture frame from the attic to line with pop tabs for our "aluminum/tin anniversary" and I came across those letters.  I read one.  I read another.  I would have gotten sucked in, too, had it not been for the fact that I had given Abby a quarter to watch Leah while I retrieved said picture frame and after more than a minute or two I could hear lil' Leah squealing from the attic.  (She was fine, by the way.)  It filled my love tank.  It was so wonderful to be taken back to that place of "new love" unjaded by the day-to-day.  This year, I want to re-read them all.  I want Sam to re-read them all.  I want him to know that while my love for him may not be as much butterflies in the stomach and a need to fall asleep to the sound of his voice, it is every bit as real and every bit as strong after ten years.

I always knew Sam was exceptional.  I always knew he was amazing with children.  Endlessly patient.  Unsurpassingly brilliant.  Unwavering.  Strong.  Determined.  Ten years has only confirmed those things.  And it has revealed new things too.  He tells the best jokes - and he doesn't stop because he knows he can always count on a laugh from me.  He is confident and fearless.  Did you know he built bunk beds from scratch?  Completely remodeled a bathroom by himself?  Designed and built a dream playground in our backyard?  There is nothing this man can't do.

That includes staying married to this kooky girl for ten years.  And forever.

I'm blessed to have found and held on to this man.  I'm grateful for everything he is to me and this family - a provider, a source of stability in what can only be classified as quintessential chaos, and a leader, spiritual and otherwise. 

'sigh'

You're a good man, Sam.

On that note...here's a little gift for you, a la summer of 2002.

Ten Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you face each trial

with patience and such poise.

I hate the way you sleep through

anything, four kids = noise!

I hate the way you don't say much

because then, when you do,

I know those words will pack a punch

and reveal a profound you.

I hate the way you listen

while I complain and whine and cry.

I hate the way you solve every problem

without even seeming to try.

I hate the way you turn my lemons

into lemonade every time.

I hate the way you forgive me for things

others would consider a crime.

I hate the way you find a way to

love us all each day,

Whether that means cooking dinner,

fixing things, or simply making time to play.

I hate the way you love me,

even when we've seem to hit a wall.

In all honesty, I don't hate these things.

Truth is, I love you - with my all.

Zero Zero Niner

Did you know that January is the least popular month to get married?  December is popular because people get to double-dip on already-decorated-for-Christmas venues to save on flowers (among other reasons) and February is popular because of an alleged romantic holiday that actually began as an homage to a couple of martyred saints bearing the name Valentine.

January is cold and anti-climactic.  So, in my opinion, what better time to celebrate a wedding...and subsequent anniversaries?  It's kind of like having a birthday in August - where there are no other recognizable holidays.  Yep.  I do that too.

Today Sam and I celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary.  Nine years of wedded bliss (and all of the realities that come with it).

(Because I can't post an anniversary blog post without one of these skinny teen pictures.)

He stuck with me as I went from single teen to teen wife.  From teen wife to young mom.  He's watched me try on so many hats as I went from college student to part-time college student/part-time engineer to full-time engineer while he finished his Masters degree.  We've witnessed the birth of three beautiful and unique children and anxiously await the arrival of our fourth.  He has tolerated the mood swings, the tears, the emotional roller coasters that accompany pregnancy, postpartum adjustments, and an unexpected job loss.  I can count on one hand, at worst, the number of times I have heard him raise his voice and lose his patience.  Some day, I have no doubts, that people will look back on his life and dub him Saint Sam - whether for putting up with me or not, that's up for deliberation.  He is supportive, encouraging, and gentle.  The kind of husband and father every man should be.

When we first got married, I was a big movie buff.  I saw tons of movies in the theater and if I didn't, I saw them as soon as they were released on DVD.  As time grew more precious, I stopped watching movies as much (and flushing movie ticket money down the toilet too), but I haven't stopped remembering some of the quotes from the countless movies I watched back then.  Maybe it's cheating, but here's a mostly pre-2000's tribute via movie quotes to my awesome husband.  (In the form of a quiz - answers at the bottom...because I'm just that big of a nerd.) 

Name that Movie:

1.  You make me want to be a better [wo]man.

2.  In my opinion the best thing you can you do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out of your ass hiney (This is a PG kind of blog). That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with. 

3.  Look, I guarantee there’ll be tough times. I guarantee that at some time, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you’re the only one for me.

4.  Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were suppose to be together… and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched [him]. It was like coming home… only to no home I’d ever known… I was just taking [his] hand to help [me] out of a car and I knew. It was like… magic.

5.  When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. 

And as for "Love means never having to say you're sorry" - let me just make one comment:  That's wrong.  Love means saying you're sorry on a daily basis, if necessary.  And that's all I have to say about that. 

Sam, Happy Anniversary!  When we were newlyweds, I learned how to make sweet tea for you.  Today, I finally learned to make Chocolate Delight.  It only took nine years.  (And it's not even hard.)  Here's to nine times nine more years together.  (Hey, it could happen!)

The Answers

1.  As Good as it Gets

2.  Juno

3.  Runaway Bride

4.  Sleepless in Seattle

5.  When Harry Met Sally

Marriage Retreat: Part 2

So, I was cleaning out my purse (which is, I admit, the extent of my spring cleaning motivation), and wouldn't you know it?  I found a piece of paper with my additional notes on it from the marriage conference.  So timely.  A day late.  As usual.  I should have put "Be more organized" and "Stop procrastinating" on the list.  Maybe next time.

Anyway...

It seemed to me that some of this was worth sharing.  Consider this an addendum to yesterday's post.

¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  Ephesians 3:16-20

I pray that Sam and I may know the reaches of Christ's love in and through our marriage.

Steve and Debbie, the speakers at the conference, started the day off with a metaphor.  When we get married, we have a picture [in our minds] that we hang on the wall, and we expect our relationship to bend to accommodate what we see in that picture.  There is a problem with this.  It comes with a lot of expectations, most of which partners fail to even share with their spouse. 

#1 - Unspoken expectations lead to discouragement. 

When our partner fails to live up to our unvoiced expectations, we start doubting - is this really who I married?  Why aren't they fitting into my picture of marriage?

#2 - Unmet expectations lead to disappointment.

They hinted at the fact that our spouses are not our mother/father.  And you should never tell your wife, "Well, my mom did it this way..."  (Helpful hint out there for you guys.)

#3 - Unrealistic expectations lead to defeat.

When we expect perfection, guess what?  We won't get it.  No matter how great our spouse is.

They assured us that all marriages hit a wall.  Most first marriages hit the wall within four to ten years of that blissful wedding day.  What they said next was even more startling, for subsequent marriages the timeline is shorter.  For second marriages, expect to hit the wall with two to seven years, and for third marriages, it will likely occur in the first twelve months. 

At the wall, they offered three choices -
1.  Forget that divorce is an option.  You're in it for life, so you work through it.
2.  Consider and utilize the option of divorce.
3.  Back up to the path of least resistance and coast.  (Most couples in the church fall into this category.)

If you choose Option 1 - it's a long and hard road, but when you make it through your endurance will have paid off and Christ will have matured you.  The outcome of Option 2 is obvious.  Option 3 results in becoming a bitter old person at the age of between 25 and 40 years old.

Well...I don't want to be a bitter old person!

And that seems like a fitting place to stop today.  Ha!  Hate to leave you in a lurch, but I wanted to put this out there to supplement yesterday's post.  If I get my non-spring cleaning act together this afternoon, I will be back with some Mom Things (or something of the like)...