Today

I've never been an easy-going person.  I pretend a lot.  I think I've had to adapt a good bit, not necessarily by choice.  I'm learning to take things a little more in stride, but I don't know that it will ever come naturally for me.

So by virtue of my personality, I am easily overwhelmed.

Probably not a great trait for a mom of five plus kids.

It's not just the kids though.  It's life.  It's my lack of boundaries.  My inability to say no.  My non-confrontational desire to be a people-pleaser.  I heap the anxiety on myself by my own actions, and then I suffer for it.  It's really no one's fault but my own.

So today, I have a prayer.

I pray that I will be brave.  That I can be bold.  That I can say "No." to the things that detract from my ability to function so that I can give my emphatic "Yes!!!" to the things that I can do with my whole heart.  I pray that I will say only what needs to be said.  That I will stop apologizing for things for which I owe no apology.  That I will stop letting people bulldoze and take advantage of me.  I pray that I will have the fortitude to stand up for what's best for me, Sam, and my kids instead of taking for granted the grace they give me when I put others in front of them.  I pray that God will turn my heart from its natural inclination to complain and gripe and instead fill me with a grateful heart and no regrets.  I pray that my interactions with people whom I don't perfectly gel will be grace-filled.  Because I can do none of these things on my own.  I've tried.  I've tried for years.  And as usual, that hasn't worked out.  I'm giving it up.  And asking for help.  I don't want to carry this anymore.  I don't want to teach my kids that it is okay to let people run all over you.  I want to set a strong example.  I want to be able to give my best, including with my best attitude.

That's today's prayer.  One I should I have started praying a long time ago.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  James 1:5

Why is my three year old crying?

Because her socks are touching her pants.

Because she told me she didn't want green beans, so I didn't give her any.

Because I put the green beans in the wrong spot on her plate.

Because one of the four corners of her blanket is wrinkled.

Because dark pink is not the same as red.

Because her bathing suit got wet.  While she was playing in the pool.

Because she wanted a popsicle.  Instead of her dinner.

Because I wouldn't let her ride her scooter.  Naked.

Because I wouldn't let her keep the toy she stole from her baby brother.

Because I won't take a nap with her.

Because I laid down to take a nap with her.

Because all I want is a nap and she won't go to sleep.  (No, wait, that's why I'm crying.)

Because she not only has to sit in her carseat, but she has to buckle it too.

Because she thought I was offering her apple juice, not applesauce.