I've had the joy of being pregnant four times, and each experience has been entirely different from the others. But even after all these years, I can think back with a chuckle and an eye roll on some of my "favorite" pregnancy memories. You are "lucky" enough to hear about some of them today.
1. The Backhanded Compliment - "You look great! It only took three pregnancies."
2. The "When are you due?" Inquiry - not so bad, except, I had the baby 6 weeks ago.
3. The kind bathroom attendant at the Hard Rock Cafe in Atlanta who, upon the sight of me in my 8th month, insisted that I use the handicapped restroom. Out of spite, I shrugged her off and attempted to navigate in the inhumanly small regular stall. In retrospect, I could have taken her suggestion and been a little more comfortable, but, you know, no one wants to hear they can't fit into a bathroom stall. Even if it's true.
4. The way my taste buds change rendering my favorite foods like meat and coffee inedible and causing the strangest things I've never liked like black olives, red onions, and all things cupcake to be suddenly irresistible.
5. The Predictions - "I can tell you're having a boy because your nose got bigger."
6. The Sage Advice - "Don't bend over and put your head below your knees or your baby's cord will get wrapped around its neck."
7. The clever quips that never cease to be awkward, especially coming from someone like your great aunt or grandmother-type-figure - "You do know what causes babies. Right?"
8. The Touchers...you know, the complete strangers who come up to you in the produce section of the grocery store and start rubbing the belly, as if for good luck. Really...it's not okay to do that to anyone pregnant or not. Probably especially not.
9. The unabashedly vocal souls who find themselves in a state of shock at your mammoth body - "You sure you're not having more than one baby. Whoa!"
10. The Incredible Shrinking Booths - Restaurant booths seems smaller and skinnier with each passing day. I never in my life imagined I'd be one of "those people" who had to sit in a chair because I might not physically fit into a booth.
11. The Loss of Wind - Beginning in the second trimester, I start to feel breathless - and not doing anything necessarily physical - doing things like reading a bedtime story to my four year old and moving laundry out of the dryer and then from the washer to the dryer. A kind friend recently told me this probably has to do with the double amount of blood coursing through my body, causing my heart and the rest of my organs to work extra hard. Yeah. Let's go with that.
12. The Temporary Demotion of your Favorite T-Shirts - It's no secret I like to wear the same rotation of five or six t-shirts and yoga pants 24/7/365. At some point though, it ceases to be comfortable/feasible when greater than 50% of my belly is hanging out of the bottom of the t-shirt. Two words: Not cute.
13. The Fateful Day - Maybe this doesn't happen to every pregnant woman, but in my house - there's the day when I pass my husband on the scale. I have this fear of our house burning down, my legs suddenly not working, and Sam having to carry me out to safety, but not being able to. (These, by the way, are the types of dreams I have when I'm pregnant.)
So maybe it's not that bad. I know so many who would give anything just to be pregnant, and it's a gift I don't take lightly. The thing about pregnancy is...the end result.
You get to take home one of these.
So all of ^that stuff^ can be summed up in two words -