- You've ever been relieved to catch a red light on the way to work, even though you're already beyond late, because it gives you a chance to throw on some make-up before you get to your office parking lot where someone might see you.
- Follow-up to last week: You've instinctively caught someone ELSE'S kid's vomit, chewed up food, or other regurgitated matter in your hand. Force of habit. (True story...I caught an entire handful of chewed-up Cheez-Its as I was substituting in the 3 year old Sunday School class last Sunday. Then I thought to myself, "Why? Why did I do that?!)
- You feel a little guilty about the whole processed foods thing, but wonder if it's feasible to eliminate corn dogs and Kraft singles from the family diet.
- Mealtime is always an adventure thanks to one kid who won't eat meat and one who only eats meat.
- You know that the secret to getting out of a bad mood is a single glance of your sleeping angels. Never underestimate the healing power of an innocent, peaceful, snoozing baby.
- You have conquered fears of your own, so that you wouldn't transfer them to your children. Like when you tell them it's *not* scary to go to the dentist as you try, with all your might, not to have a look of horror on your face.
- Sadly, you truly don't know how to answer when people ask you what you do for fun. So, with your best joking face on, you not-so-jokingly reply, "I don't have hobbies. I have kids."
- There is no stain you can't remove.
- You had no idea you'd ever get so excited about bodily functions. "Aww, that was a great burp!" and "You tee-tee'd in the potty?!?! YAY!" and "Hooray for poop!!!"
- Sometime between bedtime last night and breakfast this morning that tiny person you gave birth to turned into a little boy. (Or it feels that way anyway.)
- You have cried more since the birth of your child than in your entire life before them. You cried when you dropped them off at daycare for the first time, when they got their first shots, when they fell down and you weren't able to catch them, when they just wouldn't go to sleep, when you dropped them off at elementary school, when they went through the lunch line all by themselves, when they wrote a story all alone just by sounding out the words. It's not just things they do though. Commercials, movies, snippets from Chicken Soup for the Soul, news stories. They all move you to tears. Daily.
- You have become an old lady when driving through residential neighborhoods because you are uncannily aware of small children and their affinity for following balls out into the street. Conversely, it takes all the restraint you have to resist the urge to throw toys/trashcans in front of cars that whiz by your home without regard to the speed limit.
- Wizards of Waverly Place is quickly becoming one of your must-see television shows.
I AIN'T GOT NO BODY
1 day ago